Monday, February 19, 2007

I've decided

It hits me like a bucket of ice-cold water.

Yesterday it was, "Oh my gosh! You are so huge! I can't believe you have 2 months to go. You are so big!"

Today it was, "You are going to need a crane just to get around soon" and "It looks like you are carrying twins".

Sigh.

Two excellent reasons why your parents told you to THINK before you SPEAK.

What in the hell are these people that I hardly know thinking when they say something like that to me? To any pregnant person? Do they walk around to other people and say, "Wow, you're fat" or "Geesh, you're old and wrinkled"?

If they could look inside my life, they would know that I already worry about the size of my belly and baby (particularly with gestational diabetes.) They would see that I make good food decisions and I already track everything that I eat (and I'm not overeating but that's beside the point).

But most importantly, if they looked in my eyes, they would SEE how much a comment like that HURTS my feelings. They would see the pain they just unintentionally inflicted.

So here is your Miss Manners tip for the day--
If you want to comment on a pregnant woman's belly say:
"You're radiant".....instead of "You look ready to pop"
"You're carrying really well".....instead of "There doesn't look like there's anymore room" or
"You grow more lovely every day".....instead of "I only gained 10 pounds with my pregnancy".

So.

I've decided.

I've decided that anytime someone splashes me with the cold water of their unkind comments, that I will make penetrating yet soft eye contact with them and say in my deepest and softest voice,

"I feel beautiful"

Because I do. I feel beautiful.

-Wendy
[30w, 0d]

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

You don't know me and I randomly came across your blog but from one mother to the soon to be next, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!! (No matter that I can't see you, I just know it!) Congrats to both of you.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I'm back again. After scrolling down and reading more of your blog, you DO look just beautiful!! How exciting for you and Karen!!!!

Momai said...

Good for you! I've also found that "I'm actually perfect for this stage" also works well, no matter what the comment. And I agree with the previous posts. You look great!

The Recovering Straight Girl said...

I used to get that shit all of the time. (remember, I went from 110 to 175 pounds w/pregnancy...)On the third pregnancy when someone would say, "When are you due?" I would say, "In three months." they would say, "Wow, you're huge, are you having twins?" And I would look right at them and say, "No, I'm just FAT." That usually shut them up in a hurry.

Wendy, you DO look beautiful, and all of those awful things that people say, (including the sabotaging comments about your labor and birth,) you need to imagine going into an imaginary garbage bag and never even entering your mind.

Kerry said...

Delurking here...I would have a great comeback such as "I am sorry to tell you you have a booger hanging out your nose" and see how fast they disappear. My partner's name is Wendy as well and we are sometimes known as wenker not much different from wenkar. My name is Kerry. You look radiant and healthy don't pay any attention to idiots like that.

Traci said...

Everytime I see a new picture of you, I think "My god she's lovely!" Your joy and excitement shine through every single time. Good for you my dear...it's wonderful that you've come up with something that helps you feel better about the garbage. If anyone who hears that doesn't back off immediately and come up with something encouraging, I'll be stunned! I heard all those comments too. YIKES!

Kim said...

You look beautiful! So dont let anyone make you feel differently. :o)

dtdtkty said...

You look absolutely beautiful!! You make me smile each time I see you.
Love,
H

Estelle said...

You ARE beautiful. Fuck them all who say different.

Casey said...

That is a GREAT line to use! And it is so, so, true! I think the pictures of your make you look so incredibly radiant!

K J and the kids said...

Let me tell you something....from someone who WAS pregnant with twins. Be proud girl. Be so proud that your baby is big and healthy. You have a reason to be big and that is WONDERFUL.
I remember people talking about me like I wasn't even there..."damn she's big" or "I wonder when she's due?"
I'm like....I'm sitting RIGHT here. HELLOOOO !
I got sick of explaining my situation so I didn't. Who cares.

Anonymous said...

Atleast people KNOW you're pregnant. Two weeks before Gavin was born i told a new patient at work that i'd be leaving for maternity leave in two weeks. TWO WEEKS before my due date. he was shocked to learn i was pregnant!i know i was fat before i got pregnant but oy! people suck and don't know that we're not all just dying for their opinion. i think you look radiant and gorgeous. you look like a woman who's excited to be a mom. you and karen have the same twinkle in your eyes in the pix. can't wait for the first pictures of your destined to be lovely daughter! Lisa O

Anonymous said...

This was such a eloquent posting -- I am moved! You've captured those thoughts and emotions so wonderfully. And, you are beautiful!

Kerry Lynn said...

Thank you for posting on my blog! You do look fabulous! Perfect size for how far along you are.
You should carry around a picture of me that matches whatever week you are, then you can say "no, THIS is what a twin pregnancy looks like!" The funny thing is I always got the opposite comment. "You look TINY!" Which sounds funny to be offended by but I knew I was bigger than my pregnant with one counterpart.
Or you could go with the booger comment...that's really funny.

SassyFemme said...

You DO look beautiful, and good for you for planning to say that!