Monday, November 02, 2009

Nipples and daddies and more--oh my!

Did the title catch your attention?

Today, as I was getting dressed after Kylie's swim class, Kylie announced to the changing room, "Mommy, I see your nipples!" Ah yes, a toddler will say anything. In that flash of laughter/embarrassment, I remembered when Kylie first learned that word. She had been playing with the moles on my face as I gave her her bath. As I was drying her off, she touched her nipples and asked, "Are these my moles Mommy?" And I had that moment of decision. Would I do the easy thing and say "Yes those are your moles" or would I be honest? I chose honest and told her that those were her nipples. And a part of me knew that one day soon I would hear that word spoken very loudly by my daughter. Today was that day.

We had another one of those moments just this weekend. Kylie was playing and started saying, "Momma, Mommy, Daddy" over and over. My eyes met with Karen's and we had that instant of silent communication of "Well, she's heard that word-probably at Sesame Street or in one of her books or classes. Is this starting already? Do we ignore it or address it or what?"

Kylie was doing that thing where she repeats something over and over in the hopes that you will repeat it too. She was saying, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" over and over. So I looked at her and smiled and said, "Daddy." She smiled back and said "Daddy" to me. I said it back to her and she said it back to me. She was looking at me a little expectantly so I asked her, "Where is Daddy, Kylie?" and she replied very quickly, "Outer space". Good answer kiddo.

Which brings me to a recent question asked by long-time reader Bethany on this post:
I think Kylie is a beautiful, well-rounded, lucky little girl to have such loving mommies as she does...I dont want to insult you here, and if it's not my business, just say! But did you know her "dad" (donor)? If you didn't, does it ever drive you crazy when you look at her and see a look that doesn't look like you? Do you wonder things about him? If you do know him, does he see pictures? In either scenario, what a wonderful child he helped produce! Again, I am just curious as a long-time reader and Kylie fan!

Thanks for your question Bethany--it is a good one! We don't know Kylie's biological father; we used sperm from an anonymous donor through a respected lab/facility. It's funny. I don't think of him as "father". I think of him as "biological father". When I speak of him, I usually run the word together so it sounds like biologicalfather. I guess because the word father has an emotional meaning to me because of my wonderful relationship with my father. I think of our donor as DNA; no more and no less. And about the only time I think of him is on Father's Day when I send up a prayer of thanks to him. I even created this scrapbook page about him.

I think of Kylie as her own unique person. Every once in a while, I'll glance at her and think, "Oh, with that expression, she sort of looks like me". Occasionally, I'll see my grandmother in a gesture. But mostly, I just see HER. Not a reflection of anyone else.

I am absolutely fascinated with Kylie. It's a dichotomy to hold the thought that she is heart of my heart and blood of my blood and to also hold the thought that she is her own unique soul that simply passed through me. And that it is my job to get to know her and to be the best mother and strongest support possible for her. I truly look at her with eyes of wonder each day.

But, I will confess to a little white lie that I tell pretty frequently with regards to her DNA. Kylie gets compliments on her curly hair. And sometimes the person complimenting Kylie will ask me, "Does she get that curly hair from you?" For a while, I would say, "No" because I have straight hair. And then the person would ask, "From her father?" And I would sigh a deep sigh and depending on my mood answer, "Yes" or "I don't know" or "Maybe" which would lead to more questions. So my little white lie is that when the grocery clerk or Starbucks barista asks me if Kylie gets her curly hair from me, I smile and say "Yes."

It's sort of like when someone asks you "How are you today?". And instead of saying, "Well I'm embarrassed because my daughter yelled nipples really loud and my feet hurt and I'm really thirsty", I simply say, "Fine, how are you?"

Anyway Bethany, I hope this answers your question. Feel free to ask any other questions and thanks for being a great reader and commenter.

Lastly, for those of you who stopped by to see a picture of Kylie, I'll share this one that I shot today. She was looking at the water in our birdbath and these cool blue sparkles passed over her face.
110209_reflection.jpg

And here is a recent scrapbook page:
remember.jpg

11 comments:

Stacey said...

omg this is one of your best posts yet. loved it! laughed at the things she said...kids are hilarious.

sometimes it's not worth getting into when someone says something like "oh does your hubby blah blah blah" i mean...you come out all the time but sometimes it's just easier to ignore that part of the question and just shut them up. lol

Kira said...

Hi Wendy!
Im a frequent reader of your blog and I loooooove how much you read to Kylie. I don't know If I just haven't read a summary of a book or maybe I just missed it but where are Kylie's books about families like hers?

Bethany said...

Thanks for answering! :) Kylie is a lucky little gal to have you as a mommy. Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready. To my little guy, if you're in the bathroom, you're only doing one thing. I had a call in to the hospital about a billing error. They finally called me back, and before I could get to the phone this morning, I heard my Max say, "Hello. This is Max. Yes, she's here. But she's poopin'." HA HA HA HA HA.

Loralou said...

I loved this post! When I was a teenager my mum had another baby and when he was about 2/3 years old I took him into a public toilet with me. As I pulled my trousers down to do my business he exclaimed
'Where's your willy gone?!!!'
There were giggles coming from all down the cubicles, it was hilarious.

Nada in Australia said...

Love, love, love the scrapbook page!!!!

It's been a while, I am sorry.

Anabelle said...

My daughter is still obsessed with nipples at 3 1/2 and has already declared that she shall have big boobies like mommy when she grows up lol

we were at a large Children's Museum in Boston once, and she came into the stall while I went potty... I had just drank a ton of coffee which always makes my pee smell a little funny... (does that happen to anyone else?).. so Rowan very LOUDLY proclaimed... "mama, your pee pee smells funny".

it was awesomeness.. I heard giggles through the entire rest room.

Ethan Barry's Momma said...

Wow...You've had some interesting conversations lately. I feel for you. :) It sounds like you are answering her questions and responding to her cues perfectly. I wish that I could so easily put the "Daddy" topic to bed. Ethan is obviously aware of his dad and knows that he is in Portland, but I think he's confused why he hasn't been here in four months (a really long time to him) and won't be here until the end of the month. I just want to look and him and say, "We're all confused honey."

ajs4ever said...

Just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed this post! I also liked the page you made for the donor. What a great way to look at it. We don't see our donor as a father either and totally understand where you are coming from there. Sometimes I do wonder though, what attributes he got from the donor...I guess that is just part of creating a family this way. We will never know, but I sure do appreciate that he helped me create this wonderful little guy. I am so grateful to him for that! Thanks for sharing with us!!

Sharon said...

Hi Wendy, hi Karen. It's been a while since I've posted on your blog, but wanted to let you know that even though I don't post much, I love reading the entries about Kaylie and your wonderful lives. You both have a blessed family and I'm a big fan of your precious daughter.

CRose said...

Just Tell Kylie that she gets her curly hair from her Granna!

Karrie42 said...

Hi Wendy,

I've read your blog for two years now and have only commented a handful of times. But I read on a daily basis and have enjoyed watching Kylie grow up. Our little guy just turned 2, so we 'look up' to you regarding what's on our horizon. :-)

On the 'where did they get that from' question, we've decided that the best answer involved messing with people's heads a bit. So when they ask, I will say things like "not from me, must be from his other mom"...and watch them try to figure it out. If someone questions further we say "technology is amazing now a days." This is the same answer we give when people ask us who the birth mom is.