Nipples and daddies and more--oh my!

Did the title catch your attention?

Today, as I was getting dressed after Kylie's swim class, Kylie announced to the changing room, "Mommy, I see your nipples!" Ah yes, a toddler will say anything. In that flash of laughter/embarrassment, I remembered when Kylie first learned that word. She had been playing with the moles on my face as I gave her her bath. As I was drying her off, she touched her nipples and asked, "Are these my moles Mommy?" And I had that moment of decision. Would I do the easy thing and say "Yes those are your moles" or would I be honest? I chose honest and told her that those were her nipples. And a part of me knew that one day soon I would hear that word spoken very loudly by my daughter. Today was that day.

We had another one of those moments just this weekend. Kylie was playing and started saying, "Momma, Mommy, Daddy" over and over. My eyes met with Karen's and we had that instant of silent communication of "Well, she's heard that word-probably at Sesame Street or in one of her books or classes. Is this starting already? Do we ignore it or address it or what?"

Kylie was doing that thing where she repeats something over and over in the hopes that you will repeat it too. She was saying, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" over and over. So I looked at her and smiled and said, "Daddy." She smiled back and said "Daddy" to me. I said it back to her and she said it back to me. She was looking at me a little expectantly so I asked her, "Where is Daddy, Kylie?" and she replied very quickly, "Outer space". Good answer kiddo.

Which brings me to a recent question asked by long-time reader Bethany on this post:

I think Kylie is a beautiful, well-rounded, lucky little girl to have such loving mommies as she does...I dont want to insult you here, and if it's not my business, just say! But did you know her "dad" (donor)? If you didn't, does it ever drive you crazy when you look at her and see a look that doesn't look like you? Do you wonder things about him? If you do know him, does he see pictures? In either scenario, what a wonderful child he helped produce! Again, I am just curious as a long-time reader and Kylie fan!

Thanks for your question Bethany--it is a good one! We don't know Kylie's biological father; we used sperm from an anonymous donor through a respected lab/facility. It's funny. I don't think of him as "father". I think of him as "biological father". When I speak of him, I usually run the word together so it sounds like biologicalfather. I guess because the word father has an emotional meaning to me because of my wonderful relationship with my father. I think of our donor as DNA; no more and no less. And about the only time I think of him is on Father's Day when I send up a prayer of thanks to him. I even created this scrapbook page about him.

I think of Kylie as her own unique person. Every once in a while, I'll glance at her and think, "Oh, with that expression, she sort of looks like me". Occasionally, I'll see my grandmother in a gesture. But mostly, I just see HER. Not a reflection of anyone else.

I am absolutely fascinated with Kylie. It's a dichotomy to hold the thought that she is heart of my heart and blood of my blood and to also hold the thought that she is her own unique soul that simply passed through me. And that it is my job to get to know her and to be the best mother and strongest support possible for her. I truly look at her with eyes of wonder each day.

But, I will confess to a little white lie that I tell pretty frequently with regards to her DNA. Kylie gets compliments on her curly hair. And sometimes the person complimenting Kylie will ask me, "Does she get that curly hair from you?" For a while, I would say, "No" because I have straight hair. And then the person would ask, "From her father?" And I would sigh a deep sigh and depending on my mood answer, "Yes" or "I don't know" or "Maybe" which would lead to more questions. So my little white lie is that when the grocery clerk or Starbucks barista asks me if Kylie gets her curly hair from me, I smile and say "Yes."

It's sort of like when someone asks you "How are you today?". And instead of saying, "Well I'm embarrassed because my daughter yelled nipples really loud and my feet hurt and I'm really thirsty", I simply say, "Fine, how are you?"

Anyway Bethany, I hope this answers your question. Feel free to ask any other questions and thanks for being a great reader and commenter.

Lastly, for those of you who stopped by to see a picture of Kylie, I'll share this one that I shot today. She was looking at the water in our birdbath and these cool blue sparkles passed over her face.


And here is a recent scrapbook page: