Monday, February 28, 2011
Before she was even born, I've wondered when Kylie would start questioning us about the fact that she has two moms. It seems the questioning starts now...before she's even four.
One of the games that gets played on her preschool playground is the "marriage" game. I much prefer Kylie's game of Bats where her friends all flap their wings and soar around the playground emitting high-pitched noises and chasing one another.
But back to the marriage game, from what I can gather, the boys were picking who they were going to "marry" and no one picked Kylie. This upset her and she came home crying.
I have to add that the way parents put these roles onto their children is one of my pet peeves. While on our regular playground, I've seen parents who ooohh and aahh when a boy hugs a girl or vice versa. And they will make little remarks like, "Isn't that sweet? They are boyfriend and girlfriend. They might get married one day." This makes me roll my eyes and say an inner "Ewww!" Then I proceed to lecture them in my head. "They are friends. They felt a moment of affection for one another. There is nothing sexual about it so don't term it boyfriend and girlfriend. Stop your indoctrination of marriage to innocent children." Then I remember to stop judging others and to take some deep, cleansing breaths.
After the preschool marriage incident, Kylie became infatuated with marriage. Her dolls were marrying one another, her dog and cat bath toys were marrying one another, a grape was marrying a pretzel on her snack plate. Kylie came home from school with statements like "Two boys can't marry a girl" and "Two girls can't marry a boy." It went on and on.
Finally, over breakfast, Kylie said, "Clara is my best friend. I love her. I want to marry her. Can I marry her Mommy?"
I leaned in and looked deeply into Kylie's eyes and said, "You know Momma and I are married to one another, right?" Kylie nodded and I went on. "So in the real world, two women can marry one another and two men can marry one another. But in your pretend play at school, you and Clara probably can't marry one another. Does that sound correct to you?" Kylie nodded yes. "Ok then, sweetheart."
I was pleased with my response. I was pleased that I differentiated the "real" world from the "playground" world. And while my rebel's heart wants Kylie to shout out loud, "I can marry Clara if I want to!" I realize that this just won't work. At least not right now.
Hopefully the kiddos will go back to playing Bats on the playground real soon.
Posted by Wendy and Karen at 7:27 PM