Roller coaster

Wendy here. Yesterday felt like an emotional roller coaster.

I started writing a big, long story about yesterday, but I decided to give you a bullet-point list instead.

Things that are bad for Wendy when she's feeling a little stressed about trying to conceive:

Quadrant networking guy who spent an hour trying to fix a network drop just to guffaw and say, "Gee, I don't know how to fix this."

Wanting desperately to plan my next San Francisco (insemination) trip but knowing I can't because I have NO CLUE as to when I'm going to ovulate. I'm going to wake up one day, pee on a stick, see that line on the test strip and have to book my flight, hotel, car and get my but down there on the double and by the next day. With no planning. To a planner/organizer/anal person like myself, this is hard. "Relax and surrender", I hear you whispering. Yea.... I know.... I know.

Reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Geesh! They should name this book "What to worry yourself into a frenzy about when you're expecting." Or.... "All the crap that can screw up a happy pregnancy". I put the book back on the shelf, sprinkled holy water and held up a crucifix, and walked far, far, away from it. It's a freaky, scary, weird book.

Reading different blogs written by lesbians who have tried to have a baby for months and months or (gulp) years. You can feel their hopeful moments and their despairing moments. Knowing there are other folks trying like we are is supportive but hearing about how LONG it's taken them and the emotional toll it's taking is very hard to read. I could feel the angst building with each new blog I read.

Things that are great for Wendy when she's feeling a little stressed about trying to conceive:

Loving girlfriend who kept working on the network situation until she had it fixed herself. Karen rocks!!! I would go nuts without my internet fix! She's got both downstairs office computers on the Internet. Yea!!

Cleaning the house.... strange, I know.

Finish cleaning out the baby room closet.

Knitting - of course!

Watching television programs like "Bringing Home Baby"

Reading more "fun" pregnancy and baby books. A trip to the bookstore was in order and well worth the trip. I have lots of better books now.

Savoring one margarita. Knowing that if I get lucky and conceive, it's the last drink I'll have for a long while.

Finally, my head in the lap of the one that I love. Her stroking my hair and whispering, "Take it easy baby. It's going to be okay". Sigh.

My day on the roller coaster.