Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Rough

Last night I went to sleep at 10:30pm. At 2:30am I was wide awake. And I stayed awake all morning. I felt lots of pressure on my pelvic floor. And my feet and head were aching like crazy. Sleep totally escaped me. Therefore, I'm a wee bit irritable and predisposed to rant.

I mentioned my insomnia to a Jazzercise friend the other day and she told me, "It's only going to get worse for you when the baby comes." I about bit her head off. Only Karen's calming presence kept me from going up one side of the lady and down the other.

Yes I KNOW to expect lots of sleeplessness when the baby comes. I am not an idiot. But don't tell an eight-month pregnant, groaning, swollen woman who is just trying to get through the days that shit is just going to get WORSE.

In fact, "YOU" statements have always been a pet peeve of mine. Anytime someone says something like "You will be happy or you will be sad or tired" or "You will feel this or that" or "You will think this or that", I just want to gnash my teeth. Because really...can this person see in to my future and know what I'll be thinking or feeling?

No. I believe what they really want to do is share some of their experience with me. I just really wish they would turn that "you" statement into an "I" statement. Such as, "I remember I didn't get much sleep for several months" or "I was a walking zombie" or "I remember how tough those last weeks are" and so forth.

Tell me about your own experience and I will listen raptly. Try to tell me "how it's going to be for me" (while looking in your crystal ball) and I will shut down.

I really enjoy hearing and reading about other women's experiences with their children. Some moms radiate such pride and joy and wisdom about how cool it is to be a mother. Other mothers seem to wield their mothering experiences with such smugness and superiority and try to come off like they are the Dr. Sears.

I really need to make my peace with this pet peeve. I don't want to snarl when I hear "you" statements. I don't want to flinch when I hear them compare their child to mine. I want to not take it all so personally.

-Wendy
[35w,1d]

12 comments:

SJayneI said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I feel the same way about 'those' people. I'm glad you have such a supportive spouse to go through this with. It won't be long now.

Stacey said...

sorry it's been rough!
sleeplessness from a baby is nicer than pregnancy sleeplessness and discomfort, in my opinion.
you're getting close to the end so just try and focus on that. discomfort to come will be from the birth but you'll have a beautiful baby to overshadow that. ;)

Dee said...

We can totally relate. Shelly's been getting A LOT of the "you" statements lately. At times they've fired her up and other times they've put her in to tears. We feel your pain!

I can't believe how close Kylie is to coming into this world! Can't wait!

Cutieratterrier said...

When my partner/wife has it rough, I play cute youtube movies for her.

Here is one about funny animals

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfNtbbEjvms

Here is another one with REALLY cute puppies (and beautiful music):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWuP_IAiMUE


Whenever people give my partner YOU statements, I get irritated....However, I really ham up my indignance and usually she ends up laughing :)

LoneStar Californian's partner

Cutieratterrier said...

P.S. Hang in there, you're doing great!!! :D

Traci said...

My dear, you are doing a fabulous job. I'm with you on the "you" statements. I hate them and while I try not to take them personally, I have yet to succeed very well at it. I am stunned it's almost time for Kylie. Exciting stuff girlie!

Angele said...

HEAR HEAR SISTAH!!!

MaMaMia said...

Amen.
It so surprises me that some women (especially ones who have been pregnant) feel the need to either make totaly rude comments or try to scare the crap out of you. I had a co-worker who was notorious for her comments. . ."Are you sure you don't have two in there", "Hi Chubby", "OOh you're wearing those pants already?" Couldn't believe it.

Anyway, I love your blog, and had to finally respond!

For the record, my birth experiences were awesome.

Homestead Mom said...

We get YOU statements all the time still. I finally started using this retort: "Boy, parenthood must have been a real disappointment for you, since it was so hard." Shuts them right up.

For the record, we LOVED the first few weeks with the new baby. No work schedule, so the stress was minimized about getting sleep. We rested when we could/wanted to. It is so magical! Now, at 6 mos old, our daughter regularly makes us late for work because we can't stop admiring her & basking in her glow, sleepless night or not. You'll be fine!

Mo said...

Oh, I hated all that sleep deprivation talk too, especially since I slept really poorly during both pregnancies and slept much more soundly after the babies were born. Yes, I was waking to feed and sometimes that was hard, but there's nothing sweeter than spending your wee hours awake time nursing a baby. Personally, I think all the sleep deprivation talk comes from partners and husbands who never knew the discomfort of pregnancy (or annoying biological moms who slept like logs!). You are doing great. You and Karen always come across as so positive, and don't let those negative people try to get you down when you're physically exhausted.

Anonymous said...

not that you need one more opinion but i second all here, especially stacey and mo. the sleep deprivation with the newborn baby is soooo much more exciting and warm and wonderful because i couldn't stop staring at my tiny new wonderful baby. he was so amazingly overwhelmingly mind-blowing that i hardly noticed whether or not i had slept. and there's no pregnancy belly to have to work around. you already have created your own unique wonderful pregnancy experience, don't let the bastads get ya down! lisa O

Jen said...

my partner and i have been silently hating the "you" statements too...and they seem to come from every direction! my favorites are the stories that start with, "you just wait..." because you know, we're not doing any reading or preparation or anything. we'll just have to "wait" to see just how hard things are. ugh! keep up the good work and as everyone else said, don't let the negative nellys get you down! :)