Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Midnight watch

It's midnight and I'm on Kylie watch. :)

Wendy and I have been splitting up the nights into shifts so that we each get a stretch of 3-4 hours to rest while the other takes care of Kylie. We've been feeding her every 1.5-2 hours to help her jaundice and it appears to be working! Woo hoo! On Friday, she weighed in at 6 lbs. 15 oz. at our pediatrician visit and today she weighed in at a whopping 7 lbs. 8 oz! That's quite a change in 3 days and we're very pleased. We have to take her in to get a blood draw tomorrow so they can test her levels again but we're hoping that's the last time. She's looking more pink and heading in the right direction for her weight to get back to her birth weight within just the next few days ... right on target.

It's only been a week since Kylie joined us, but I'm already wondering what in the world we ever did before she came. Our days and nights are filled with taking care of her needs and things like email and blog surfing and TV watching seem like distant memories at the moment. And...I wouldn't have it any other way.

As I sit here in the nursery listening to my daughter's breathing and watching her sleep, I feel such a sense of peace and joy that I can hardly put it into words. I feel a love unlike any I've ever known before for both Kylie and Wendy. It's so strong it is a physical feeling in my chest and in my gut. It's as if there is a tether between the 3 of us that ties us all heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul. I've always felt it with Wendy but what I feel now seems even richer and deeper now that Kylie has been added. I am grateful beyond description for this wonderful, blessed child. I look at Wendy and my heart almost bursts with pride and gratitude for how fantastic of a job she did at caring and nurturing and growing Kylie these past months. And, as I watch her hold Kylie and nurse her and speak to her and be able to care for her as the child in her arms vs. the child in her belly, it almost brings me to tears. It's just so beautiful...truly, gloriously, miraculously beautiful.

While Wendy's body continues to recover from the birth and her hormones seem to ebb and flow throughout the day, I find that my "mommy hormones" must be kicking in too. I seem to be very emotional and sensitized...and I didn't even birth Kylie! I can only imagine how it must be for Wendy. I think there is something truly biological involved here. My body may not have undergone the ordeal of pregnancy, labor and delivery, but my heart did...and there seems to be plenty of hormones (or whatever it is) being pumped through me just the same.

I love my daughter...even more than I ever imagined I would. And, no matter what the nay-sayers of the world may say or think, Kylie is my daughter. Yes, I must adopt her so that it is "legal"...and that's already underway...but she is truly my daughter and wouldn't be more so if I'd been the birth mother. I love saying "my daughter"....love it.

I'm just rambling here, but hey...it's the midnight watch and when your precious child is sleeping and your heart feels so full it might burst, I guess stream of consciousness blogging is a good fit. Ah...I hear Kylie's breathing beginning to change, so it looks like it's about time to feed my girl. Sigh...I love it....

- Karen

18 comments:

Traci said...

This is so beautiful. Thank for sharing your midnight stream of consciousness...it made we weepy. Absolutely stunning...the baby and her moms. Peace.

Just a grail said...

It is amazing how much a child changes your world. Thanks for letting me tag along during your journey.
She is a lucky girl.

ohchicken said...

oh karen, how lovely an entry. thank you for sharing the intimacy of falling in love with you child.

i rub my own belly with anticipation that maybe, just maybe, our little one is in there this month.

kylie is one of the most beautiful babies i have ever seen. in the photos you two have taken, it looks like she knows how much she is loved.

non-sequitur: your camera is great. :)

ohchicken said...

...this time with a link :)

Anonymous said...

We will be in PDX soon. Any suggestions on adoption attorneys? We'll be in NW.

Scoutgjee

Sara said...

Stopped by via Holly & Lois. Congrats on the beautiful baby girl!!

SJayneI said...

It is great to hear how you are feeling. I know that the love of a child is not exclusive to biology. Congratulations again on your beautiful family.

DtDtKty said...

What a beautiful post Karen! I remember those few first glorious days and weeks when I felt like my heart and soul would burst from all of the love...Isn't it amazing!! It's so hard to put those feelings into words, but I like a line from Psalms that says, "...my cup runneth over." I am not a religious person, but I like the imagery.

As far as being Kylie's mother, there is no question that you are just as much her mother as Wendy is. You birthed Kylie from your heart...and in some ways I would think that would be harder. My mom didn't birth me and we don't share biology, but she IS my mom. She always got such a chuckle when people would say that I looked like her. Just wait until you hear that comment too.

Now I'm the one that is babbling. :) Enjoy your precious girls and keep sharing your wonderful insights. I remember a few similar posts I made on our blog.

Love,
H

Kerry Lynn said...

Karen, we were up at the same time feeding our miracles :-)
You are very eloquent and you always make me cry.

and can I please just say F%#K the nay-sayers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll leave it at that or I will get myself all upset.

Caroline said...

This was such a beautiful post. Your love for Wendy and Kylie is overflowing and can be seen from miles away.

Toes in the sand said...

Absolutely beautiful! Karen, your love for your family is so evident. You are all so lucky to have each other!

Stacey said...

Glad it's going so well. We did shifts for the first while too. It's amazing how much love you feel!

Wendy & Karen said...

Thanks to you all for your sweet comments. We love knowing all our blog friends are out there pulling for us and cheering us on. We are truly blessed in so many ways.

Ohchicken - Yes...I l-o-v-e my camera! I think before Kylie is 1 month old, I'll have taken a couple thousand photos of her. The macro lens shots are my favs...real up close and personal.

Scoutgjee - I'd love to recommend an awesome attorney. She's so great she even came to the hospital the day after Kylie was born to have us sign the adoption papers so she could file them that day! Drop me an email (karenandwendy[at]gmail.com and we'll exchange some info.

Keri said...

I found myself whispering in my head as I was reading your blog. She's beautiful. Congratulations.

Jen said...

Oh my gosh, that was the most beautiful post I've ever read! I cried through the whole thing! Thanks for sharing.

indigoscot said...

that was such a beautiful post, it made me tear up. :) i've been following your journey since the beginning, big congrats on kylie, she is SO cute.

Dee said...

Wonderful post. I can so relate to many of the things you said. Even though I'm not carrying Riley I've been going through many of the emotions. I'm a much more aware sensitive person. And, it's AMAZING how different my perspective is on so many things now. Congratulations on being a wonderful Momma!

wenders said...

Karen, thanks so muc for sharing this. I just want holler, "OF COURSE she's your daughter!", but of couse, you clearly know that. I want to thank you and Wendy for sharing your journeys, and hope one day to be in the same situation, with a daughter or son and my partner. Thanks again.