Friday, January 15, 2010

That was blog worthy


Have I got a story to share with you!

Last night, the three of us went out for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We ordered our meals and were playing with Kylie when we hear, "Excuse me" from across the room. There was a woman dining by herself about 10 feet away from us. I shall refer to her in this story as the Crazy Lady or CL for short. She had the very wide-eyed look of the crazy folk.

CL: Excuse me
Me: Yes?
CL: Is she yours? (referring to Kylie)
Me: Yes. (with a sociable smile on my face)
CL: Are you together? (gesturing to me and Karen)
Me: Yes. (with a questioning look like "Where is this going?")

CL: Are you lesbians?
Hear Karen choke on her Diet Coke. Remember, this lady is 10 feet away, shouting at us to be heard.

Me (matching her loud voice): Yes.
CL: How did you conceive her?

Me: Are we going to have this conversation shouting across the restaurant?!
Karen whispers to me: Maybe you should walk over there.
Me: Let me come there.

Walk across the way to her
CL: How did you conceive her?
Me: Are you interested in becoming a mother yourself?
CL: Yes
Me: Do you have a partner?
CL: No. Where would I find one?
Me: (baffled) You know I just moved here. I don't know any place to suggest where you could meet someone.
Me: (gratefully noticing our food has arrived) Ah, I see my food is here. Enjoy your meal.

Walk back to my table.
CL shouting again to us: How did you conceive her?
Karen: IUI
CL: What?

This part cracks me up
Karen points to her eyeball, then makes a U sign with her hands, then points to her eyeball again while saying: IUI
Me: Laughing
CL: I don't know what that is. (still shouting at us)
Karen: You know, after we finish our meals, perhaps we could meet you in the lobby and answer any questions you might have.

CL gets up and walks to our table.
Karen and I exchange glances like "WTF?"
CL: I don't know what that is
Karen: A procedure
CL: What are your professions?
Karen: I'm a computer analyst
Me: I'm a stay-at-home Mom
CL: Where do you work?
Karen: A local company
CL: Which company
Karen: I would rather not say.

I've stopped chuckling and just want this woman to go away.
Me: You'll have to excuse us now. We are in the middle of a conversation over our meal.
CL: You are a good parent. (walks back to her table).

Karen and I start eating while acting noticeably nonchalant. At this point, every waiter in the restaurant and the chefs from the kitchen start walking past our table to check us out. I realize that the shouted question, "Are you lesbians?" and my shouted "yes" has probably been heard by everyone in the place.

Now, with the staff all walking by, I feel like I'm representing the Lesbian Nation and the crazy thought that goes through my head is "Well shit. I should have worn my earings". Then I start laughing at myself. At the same time, I'm trying to feed Kylie, eat, and talk with Karen so the crazy lady won't see a pause in conversation and come back over.

Then the manager of the place comes hurriedly over and introduces himself. We smile and say "hello". Then he says, "I want to make sure you are all right?" And we smile and say, "We're fine". I ask him, "Is she a regular?" Hell, I was thinking she could own the place for all I knew. He said, "I've never seen her before". I smile and say, "Okay". He says, "If there is anything I can do let me know".

Now I know that this is a common and nice thing to say. But I'm struck by the sheer ludicrous of it and think to myself, "What do you want to do? Body slam the crazy lady to the ground and wrestle her away?" This gets me chuckling again but I manage to say, "Our meal is tasty. We have a good waiter. We are fine, thank you". He smiles and goes away.

The parade of people past our table continues. Karen and I start laughing out loud. Kylie joins in for the heck of it. It was one of the most unusual things that has happened to me.

We were extra cautious as we left the restaurant and walked to our car. Because you never know if a crazy person is going to come after you with a bat or something. But mostly, we just laughed and enjoyed the moment.

And it was soooooo blog worthy.


E. from Pot o' Gold said...

That is CRAZY! I think you both handled yourselves very well. I think I would have been more rude. Funny story for the blog - for sure! :)

kat said...

that's hilarious! "where would i find one?" ha! you should have made up some bar names :)

Loralou said...

Haha I love that story and I love your reactions! I had a similar experience at work yesterday when a patient asked me if I was pregnant, was I married? how did I conceive, who was the father etc? I thought the questions would never end! lol My lady was a bit crazy too!

ae1501 said...

Boundaries people boundaries!

Thanks for sharing this wacky experience. In my humble opinion, you handled it with grace.

Alayna said...

Wendy, that is funny and scary all at once! How bizarre! I also think you handled yourselves very well as representatives of the Lesbian Nation :)

f said...

Eye-u-Eye. That was genius.

Also, it was kind of sweet that the manager wanted to make sure you felt OK and weren't being harassed by someone.

Great job representing the Lesbian Nation with such grace and good humor.
Also...if Kylie ever asks where babies come from, I think Karen should repeat that performance ;-)

Caroline said...

What a weird thing to have happen. Sounds like you guys handed it a lot better than I would have.

Who knew going out to dinner would have been such an odd experience. :)

Teaberry said...

Ugh, people can be so strange sometimes... hopefully this doesn't happen again... It's funny, but I doubt I would've handled it as well. Julie, on the other hand, is excellent at dispatching the crazies from our table. We've had our fair share approach us in restaurants. Some day I will have to tell you about the nutty person who came up to us at Bob Evans and what he had to say about Barack Obama.... At any rate, hopefully it's NOT in the water!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that's crazy, I'm happy you were able to laugh about it.

P said...

that is def one of the craziest things I have ever heard of. What a wacko. It was funny though.

Stacey said...

omg lmao. that is hilarious and you handled it well. i'm sure there's a crazy lesbian out there for her. lol

Soupy said...

I am literally sitting her Laughing my bum off at this! Sheer craziness is right- I LOVE the way you and Karen handled it-- WOW. People. The world is full of PEOPLE, that's all I can say> Whew

Sarah said...

That's so crazy. Nice work..that feels like a dream. Not a good one either. :)