That was blog worthy

Have I got a story to share with you!

Last night, the three of us went out for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We ordered our meals and were playing with Kylie when we hear, "Excuse me" from across the room. There was a woman dining by herself about 10 feet away from us. I shall refer to her in this story as the Crazy Lady or CL for short. She had the very wide-eyed look of the crazy folk.

CL: Excuse me
Me: Yes?
CL: Is she yours? (referring to Kylie)
Me: Yes. (with a sociable smile on my face)
CL: Are you together? (gesturing to me and Karen)
Me: Yes. (with a questioning look like "Where is this going?")

CL: Are you lesbians?
Hear Karen choke on her Diet Coke. Remember, this lady is 10 feet away, shouting at us to be heard.

Me (matching her loud voice): Yes.
CL: How did you conceive her?

Me: Are we going to have this conversation shouting across the restaurant?!
Karen whispers to me: Maybe you should walk over there.
Me: Let me come there.

Walk across the way to her
CL: How did you conceive her?
Me: Are you interested in becoming a mother yourself?
CL: Yes
Me: Do you have a partner?
CL: No. Where would I find one?
Me: (baffled) You know I just moved here. I don't know any place to suggest where you could meet someone.
Me: (gratefully noticing our food has arrived) Ah, I see my food is here. Enjoy your meal.

Walk back to my table.
CL shouting again to us: How did you conceive her?
Karen: IUI
CL: What?

This part cracks me up
Karen points to her eyeball, then makes a U sign with her hands, then points to her eyeball again while saying: IUI
Me: Laughing
CL: I don't know what that is. (still shouting at us)
Karen: You know, after we finish our meals, perhaps we could meet you in the lobby and answer any questions you might have.

CL gets up and walks to our table.
Karen and I exchange glances like "WTF?"
CL: I don't know what that is
Karen: A procedure
CL: What are your professions?
Karen: I'm a computer analyst
Me: I'm a stay-at-home Mom
CL: Where do you work?
Karen: A local company
CL: Which company
Karen: I would rather not say.

I've stopped chuckling and just want this woman to go away.
Me: You'll have to excuse us now. We are in the middle of a conversation over our meal.
CL: You are a good parent. (walks back to her table).

Karen and I start eating while acting noticeably nonchalant. At this point, every waiter in the restaurant and the chefs from the kitchen start walking past our table to check us out. I realize that the shouted question, "Are you lesbians?" and my shouted "yes" has probably been heard by everyone in the place.

Now, with the staff all walking by, I feel like I'm representing the Lesbian Nation and the crazy thought that goes through my head is "Well shit. I should have worn my earings". Then I start laughing at myself. At the same time, I'm trying to feed Kylie, eat, and talk with Karen so the crazy lady won't see a pause in conversation and come back over.

Then the manager of the place comes hurriedly over and introduces himself. We smile and say "hello". Then he says, "I want to make sure you are all right?" And we smile and say, "We're fine". I ask him, "Is she a regular?" Hell, I was thinking she could own the place for all I knew. He said, "I've never seen her before". I smile and say, "Okay". He says, "If there is anything I can do let me know".

Now I know that this is a common and nice thing to say. But I'm struck by the sheer ludicrous of it and think to myself, "What do you want to do? Body slam the crazy lady to the ground and wrestle her away?" This gets me chuckling again but I manage to say, "Our meal is tasty. We have a good waiter. We are fine, thank you". He smiles and goes away.

The parade of people past our table continues. Karen and I start laughing out loud. Kylie joins in for the heck of it. It was one of the most unusual things that has happened to me.

We were extra cautious as we left the restaurant and walked to our car. Because you never know if a crazy person is going to come after you with a bat or something. But mostly, we just laughed and enjoyed the moment.

And it was soooooo blog worthy.