Saturday, August 26, 2006

When love finds you

I just returned home after my 12 day odyssey across the southern US. I spent 6 days in Atlanta working and then 6 days in TN visiting my family. Am I ever glad to be home! What I have been pondering during my time away and since I have returned is the depth that love reaches. When love finds you, however it finds you, it is wondrous.

As I walked through the secured area at the airport, I saw it. I saw Wendy's face beaming at me with this big grin that said "I love you", "I missed you" and "I'm soooo glad you're home". We hugged and just stood there are a few seconds holding each other just feeling the love. I think I relaxed, really relaxed, for the first time in 12 days in that moment. While we got my luggage and made our way home, all I could do was to just keep staring at her, soaking her in and reveling in the knowledge that she was carrying our child inside her. I was truly home... Love found me.

I had missed the morning when she got the positive pregnancy test (although I heard about it within moments by phone), so she took another test when we got home just so I could see the "Pregnant" indicator pop up in window in person. Love found me.

While visiting my parents, my mom and I spent a "girls day out" together shopping and just spending time with each other. Every so often she would just reach out and pat my hand or my leg or my face. Even now at 41 I feel her love for me and I feel as safe and warm as I did when I was a little girl rocking on her lap at story time. Love found me.

My 94 year old grandmother occassionally has trouble with remembering things in the short term, but it seems she never forgets anything related to me. She's just a bit over 5 feet tall (I'm 6'4) and fits quite snuggly under my armpit when I hug her. She tucks her head and nestles into me for a hug and squeezes my middle with her walking cane dangling from one hand. She looks up at me with her eyes that don't see so well anymore, but somehow she sees me and says "I love you darlin" and tells me how beautiful I look to her. Love found me.

My TN friends, Mimi and Trula, met me for lunch during my visit and wanted to hear all the details of our baby-making adventure and effusively smiled and laughed and questioned and commented. They just loved us and were so happy for us and are so supportive of us. Love found me.

Our dear neighbors, Heather, Jeff and Ethan, were here to rejoice in our pregnancy news with Wendy and to take her out for a celebratory dinner after the news. They share themselves and their little boy with us so easily - so trusting - so accepting. Love found me.

You never know when/where/if love will find you. Even in a world that often seems prejudicial and cold at times. I find myself being so aware of all the times love finds me these days. I think the miracle we've been given to have conceived on our first try and to be on our way towards motherhood has made me very cognizant of all the gifts of love and connection that seep into my life every day. I am so very grateful. I'm grateful to our friends and family (wherever they may be) and all of you who stop by to share our journey with us.

May love find you...

- Karen


Caroline said...

This was such a beautiful post. One of my favorite. Thanks for sharing.

Ethan Barry's Momma said...

K...You brought tears to my eyes with your beautiful, sweet words. I think that it's so important to take stock of all you have and give thanks for it...just as you have done. Thank you for your amazing poetry.

ohchicken said...

found your journey today. following along from the beginning. this post is gorgeous. tears at work. i'm glad it's a slow day.


debbies said...

A new reader....just wanted to let you know what a beautiful post this is. I hope everyone that is looking for love finds it, and it continues to find you

the mommy said...

This brought tears to my eyes.

I stumbled upon your site through another I am a regular to.

Although you wrote this post some years ago, I needed to read these words today.

Thank you.