Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The comment on hair barrettes

On Friday, I did a flippant little post about my daughter's hair barrettes. I got several helpful comments (thank you for those) and one not-so-helpful comment. Here's a quote from an anonymous commenter:
I can't believe you CHOOSE to think about the hair clip. She's not a doll!
Not only is it petty in the wide-world context of war and famine and all difficulties that even north-americans face beyond the suburban middle-class...it's also just petty on a personal level: what do you want this little person to be preoccupied with as she grows - her appearance?

Well. Let me address this.

Stephanie Pearl-McPhee is an author and blogger that I admire. She once wrote that blogs were like virtual living rooms. I agree. It's very much like the moms, lesbians, photographers, scrapbookers, knitters and other people who regularly visit this blog are sitting around my living room, drinking coffee (and sometimes wine) and chatting about our lives.

Sometimes these chats are deep and meaningful. Sometimes these chats are about the mundane like how the cat has hairballs, the color and consistency of our kids poop, how much sleep we are getting and our current weather conditions. All of these big things and all of these little things make up my life.

And my life is beautiful.

You don't diminish any part of that beauty with your rudeness.

And just as if you were in my living room with the rest of my guests and you stood up and told me that I was petty, I wouldn't expect any of my guests or blog visitors to stand up and defend me. I would probably say,
  • "Wow, the subject of hair barrettes really hit a nerve for you, didn't it? Did a parent torture you with them as a child?" or
  • "Wow, you have some strong feelings about this. Tell me more." or
  • "Are you aware that that was a rude statement?" or
  • "That is so unlike you to have an outburst like that. You must be in a lot of pain". or
  • "Jeez, who pissed in your Wheaties this morning?" or
  • "Don't let the door hit you on your way out."

    One of those. Depending on what kind of mood I was in. Then we might have a very interesting conversation, perhaps with some reasonable debating. But to quote Amy, a Pearl McFee commenter, to call someone petty sounds like, "You're ugly and your mom dresses you funny". There's just no art in it'.

    And for those of you who come for a daily dose of Kylie, here are some pictures of her playing at the park.


    Anonymous said...

    good grief! some people just don't get the fact that blogs are like you said, a virtual group hanging out together. I love checking in to see your pix; they are creative and inspiring. Keep up the good work!

    Soupy said...

    ohh, I'm going to be petty and tell you I LOVE her boots! SOOO darling! :) along with your little DOLLY :)

    ae1501 said...

    Wendy, Karen & Kylie,

    I have been quietly enjoying your pictures and words for about 6 months now. First of all, thank you for allowing a glimpse into this magical creature's life. She is a joy.

    Second, to the person who made the rude comment, clearly she has never had to put a clip/barrette in a small child's hair. This is important to keep the child's hair out of her eyes and do it in a painless way. You take such care in every part of your child's life, why not this as well? You were willing to ask for help (Bravo!) and raspberries to her!

    Shauna said...

    For goodness sakes. I can't believe that someone took the time to berate you for asking your friends about barrettes.

    Talk about petty!

    Who needs to "choose" to talk about barrettes. It's necessary for anyone who has a little one with longish hair. How utterly silly.

    PS-I wish that I could get Chicka to a) leave a barrette in her hair and b)that she would sit still for a haircut.

    Anonymous said...

    Sorry you had to deal with a rude commenter. I actually was very interested in that post and people's response because like you I sometimes wondered if I were putting them in right. And it is about cuteness but also about keeping our kid's hair out of their faces so they can see clearly!
    Thanks for all the posts you write and all the pictures you share!

    Kelly Lopez said...

    Mean people suck.

    I was actually quite curious as to the responses because I have three daughters who wear hair clips regularly.

    And I love Kylie's boots!

    Anonymous said...

    I admire the way that you've handled such a rude comment. I choose to agree with you that this person was having a bad day and took it out on y'all.

    I thoroughly enjoy the pictures and stories about Kylie. Wish I had had the technology when my daughter was small. Our friends and relatives would have gotten as much joy out of her antics, as I do with Kylie's.

    Please don't let one bad apple put a damper on your enthusiasm.

    Thanks for sharing your child with us!

    BigMomma said...

    Hi Wendy, I too have followed your blog for quite some time, always finding it a breath of fresh air. I especially love watching your darling Kylie grow and all the wonderful stories you share. I think I have commented before that your blog has been an inspiration for me as I started blogging 2+ years ago. All of this to say I loved this entry and how you addressed that comment--you are so right on!

    Happy holidays,

    Anonymous said...

    Gez I love that Wheaties comment!! Like others have already said - I love your blog and Kylie is adorable.

    Kathryn said...

    wishing you all a wonderful New Year!

    Lynanne said...

    Some people! Add me to the list of readers who found the question and responses interesting. I've often wondered the very same thing for reasons already listed and more.

    I don't suppose your anonymous troll would want to reveal him or herself so that we can all read his/her blog and enlighten ourselves on the real issues facing the world?

    Bravo on your response, btw!

    Audra said...

    What would posess someone to say that! I love the photos you post of your adorable little one :)

    Anonymous said...

    Wow, some people just can't help themselves.

    Nonetheless, I LOVE Kylie's boots.

    Anonymous said...

    Sorry to hear about your nasty commenter. How utterly rude!

    Thanks for sharing with us all. You family is truly a joy! Happy New Year!

    Anonymous said...

    i think people out there are just jealous of what a good job you do with your blog.. who cares if you talk about barrettes.. it's america you can talk about whatever you want!!! :)

    nice job..

    traci said...

    Holy Muther! Some people obviously don't have enough to keep them occupied.

    Kylie is adorable and I do stop by almost daily just to get a look at her because she makes my heart smile.

    My babies are nearly grown and it warms my spirit to watch your girlie grow and learn and blossom. Thank you for the privilege and Happy New Year.

    Erised said...

    This person complains to you about what you blog about, but has no problem wasting internet space with a silly comment like that? How selfish.

    Happy New Year to your whole family!
    Your little girl has grown up so much over the last year, and it's been a pleasure reading about her life and watching her grow up in photos every day. Thank you so much for letting us all into your life in this way, and I hope you'll keep us updated through out the whole of 2009

    Anabelle said...

    I just found your blog through another blog and found your barette thing intriguing. I have a daughter with super long hair. I'm not kidding, check out my blog and see for yourself.

    Anyhoodle, i know what its like to have a kid constantly shoving hair out of their eyes. Its uncomfortable for them and its difficult with thier limited manual dexterity to get the hair out of thier face. We don't use barrets and hair peices to cute them up, (although that's a fun benefit of them) we do it to help them out, because we're mothers.... and that's our job. If we have the ability to make life a little easier for them, you bet your buttootie we're going too.

    Hair barret commenter lady has a hair across her buttox....

    ps... barrets don't work because baby hair is to fine. I use ouchless elastics, which I just then cut out at the end of the day to avoid any pain :)

    works like a charm.

    "The Mom of the daughter with Rapunzel hair"

    ajs4ever said...

    I would just like to be petty and say POO POO ON YOU to the rude commenter! This is our space to talk about what we wish and if you don't like it then find somewhere else to take up space!

    I for one was actually interested about the responses you would get and I have a little boy:) So there-- Chew on that one rude poster!

    We love Kylie and your family and look forward to whatever you want to post about- just keep on posting!!

    A Day In The Life said...


    Jen said...

    I know I'm late with my comment but I just had to get one in too. Dawn and I laughed that the rude commentor thought hair barrettes was a petty topic and here's why. If your little girl has long hair, especially bangs, that get in her eyes, your options are to fasten it up somehow or cut it. Cutting it usually means those straight across crooked bangs because of course our little ones cannot hold their heads still. Maddie has now had two such haircuts. If you choose not to cut it, which I wish I hadn't, then you have to decide on barrettes, elastics, bows, etc. Then comes the hard task of determining which will work better and how you put them in. And of course the most important consideration, and what generated the most conversations with Dawn and I...which are safest? Dawn was very anti-hairclip for quite awhile, and I can certainly understand why. I've read that if you can fit an object inside of a toilet paper roll, then it's a potential choking hazard for your infant. Most of the infant bows and clips are tiny and with thin hair, or babies pulling them out, these hair accessories are very dangerous. We worried that Maddie would pull them out or just lose them through active play and then she find it and put it in her mouth like everything else she came across. Or maybe she wouldn't find it but maybe another baby at her daycare would find it and thus choke on it. It was a dilemma. Dawn finally relaxed once we found larger clips that we didn't think posed a choking hazard. Maddie still does not wear any hair accessories at daycare because I don't want someone else to have to be reponsible for that. She only wears them when she's with us. So, rude commentor, if you want serious conversation or status on the failing economy, employment rate or any other depressing topic then go to CNN or MSNBC or stop by some political blog to rant. I find Wendy's blog entertaining, thoughtful, well-written and it's filled with stunning photography. But I'm surprised you stopped by here when there is so many more important world injustices that you could be focusing on.

    Wendy, I found that No Slippy Hair Clippies work very well at staying in thin hair. They are a tad pricey - but they do have a link calle Clippy Deals that has lower priced clips, which is all I've ever bought. The clip part is lined with velvet so it really stays in well. They are also really fast at shipping and they even sent me a free barrette the last time I purchased three. www.hairclippy.com is their site. Take care!